Sand For The First Time

Sand
For the first time
Ever
In her life
In her toes
Wind in her hair
Toddling
Along the waters edge

It feels different
When it’s dry
To when it’s wet
And
Oh no
With a rushing sound
The water has left it’s spot
And run up the sand
Onto her feet

She doesn’t know
What it is
What it means
Why it did that
So of course it’s terrifying
Scream
Run away

When we don’t understand
Something
Can’t make sense of
Something
We are all her

We don’t know
Why it happened
Or what it is
Or what it means
So of course it’s terrifying

It’s a long beach
Some sand
Is dry
Some sand
Is wet
The water leaves it’s spot
And runs up to her feet
And it’s cold
And she doesn’t know
What
It
Is

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Anniversary

Marriage is
You eating my cake off the floor
Because I dropped it
And cried
And you saying it still tasted nice

Marriage is
Going out on a date
Without the baby
For the first time
Holding hands because we finally can
And feeling like a teenager again

Marriage is
You taking the baby
When you’re tired
Because I’ve had enough
And you want me to be happy
So many times

Marriage is
Learning to accept
That we cook the spaghetti bolognaise
Differently
But that doesn’t make your way
Wrong

Marriage is
Knowing that clean shaven and fresh faced
21 year old boy
And this scruffily bearded
30 year old man
And loving them both
So so much

Marriage is
Years
Of
Memories
Holidays
Jokes
Dinners
Days out
Days in

Doing the same thing
Many times
But
Seeing your face
And feeling so happy
Because
It’s
Home

Visible

Our visible self
There is
A trying
Not to pretend
A trying
To show the
Dark
As well as the
Light

But it’s a difficult mix
To manage

What does every person
I know
Need
To know
What is sacred
What is best kept
What is best shared

This online
Presence
In
Facebook
In
Instagram
In
All of those places
Blurs lines
Because we feel private
In our own home
With no one here
But really
There are hundreds of people

Would you stand in front of
An auditorium
And still say
What you say?
Would you hold a microphone
And look out
Over a crowd
Of everyone you know
And still say
What you say?

What does every person
I know
Need
To know
What is sacred
What is best kept
What is best shared

Friends; Three

Bouncy;
You have saved me
More times
Than I can count

But also
You are just my
Comfiest friend

There is something
Safe
Home
About being next to you
Furniture in your house
Sidekick to your adventurings

T-Mat;
I love
That we are so dissimilar
And yet
We are similar

There is a strong bond
Walking alongside each other
For so long

You are brilliant
You are such a good listener
You roll your eyes
So well
At my stupidities
And laugh
So hard
At my amusements

Moose;
How I miss you
Such depth
Of emotion
Of thought
Of experience

You got me
I didn’t feel alone
In my thoughts
In my fears

And there’s a piece of me
Missing
While you are not here

Driving driving baby crying

Radio on
Baby crying
Driving driving
Just keep going

Count the minutes
Then the seconds
Until
They fall asleep
Their tiredness gets the better of them
They can no longer fight it

Driving driving
Crying crying
Bloody traffic lights
Seems like more than a minute

Counting the minutes
Then the seconds
Checking the mirror
The eyelids are fluttering
Just keep going

Driving driving
Crying crying
But the cries are getting weaker
My resolve is stronger

Windscreen wipers
Indicators
Driving driving
Wait
No crying

Tiny little breaths

Tiny little breaths
In
Out
In
Out

Tiny little fingers
Curled around my Tshirt
I look at you
Asleep in my arms
And I wonder
What are you thinking little child

Sometimes you look at me so intently
Making little baby noises
Like I should know what you’re saying
You’re being very clear
But I don’t know

You want to be in my arms
And it’s lovely
But it’s tiring
My back is aching
And I don’t know what’s wrong

You smell so sweet
Baby smell
It’s innocent
Milky breath
Snuggling into my arm
I want to protect you from the world
I want to hold you in my arms

Leave her
They say
Come back to work
She’ll be fine
But she is my little girl
The screams when I leave
Make me ache a bit
Because I don’t know if they’ll hold her like I would

And it is so odd
Because this wasn’t me
When you’re depressed
With a baby
You don’t care
But I have begun caring

Now when they want me to let go
Now when this little person is starting to move away
Now I want to hold on

Sleep in my arms baby
Be safe there
I don’t care what they say